{Genus liberadumis Avianus}
This new genus of avian has sprung up and become very prevalent in the continental United States, but can also be found in plentiful supply in the Hawaiian Islands, Europe, Asia, Africa and South America. It was fairly rare prior to 1990, but due to migratory predations, climate change sensitivities, nesting dominance and flocking gregarity, it’s now a common sight in virtually every state.
The bird is generally brown-crested and about 5′-10″ in avg height, but there are shorter and taller varieties with blond, red and black crests, and 10% are crest-challenged, with little or no head plumage.
When they walk about it’s hard to discern males from females, except for brighter plumages. Their foraging behaviors are identical, but when indulging their peculiar habit of poking heads in the sand, one can see the female posterior is bigger. Scientists have long denied this head-burying myth, their studies revealing no such weird behavior, but I myself (although not a scientist, let alone an ornithpoliticologist) have seen it time & again, especially during the past four years at flocking times.
This ostrich (I call it birdbrain for short) unlike its South American cousin, is prone to croaking outbursts when disturbed, fluffing its feathers and flapping its wings as it struts about excitedly, circling its head burying hidey-hole. When extremely agitated it runs from the source of its agitation, avoiding one-on-one confrontations at all costs, and seeks the company and protection of other birdbrains nearby. If cornered it searches frantically for a place to bury its head and, in the absence of that, lets out extremely loud croaks of no apparent purpose or logic other than to broadcast its distress to other birdbrains.
Like its cousin in South America, this specimen is flightless, but unlike its cousin it is also clueless about most things comprising its world & habitat. It’s quite common to observe birdbrains kicking away protective shrubbery and jumping up & down on ground level plants and foliage that are a valuable food source.
It actually violates the animal kingdom’s universal dictum of not pooping where you eat, which even the dumbest species understand. It’s simply oblivious how counter-productive this behavior is, and how it threatens its own comforts & very existence.
The birdbrain unlike its cousin, has several sub-genuses which comprise the genus. These are primarily the black, the brown and the yellow. These sub-birdbrains tend to stay amongst their own kind, but gather periodically with the entire genus in a flocking ceremony where all birdbrains get together as a unified species, voicing their commonality and sameness by croaking, pecking, flapping, strutting and, you guessed it, continuously poking their heads in the sand.
To an outside observer it’s quite a spectacle, seeing these millions of birdbrains congregating, exhibiting similar behaviors, and asserting their self-destructiveness, which is become the primary concern of animal rightists, ecologists and so on.
Little is known about these birdbrains, or where they came from. They look like their cousins, but behave quite differently. The South American variety don’t flock enmasse, tend to be more independent, and respect their environment. And as scientists can attest, they don’t bury their heads.
Also unusual, if not downright odd, is the way the sub-genuses join in at the flockings, becoming virtually assimilated into the larger group. Their behavior and antics become identical. During these brief gatherings one can’t tell a home-grown birdbrain from non-homegrowns, except for coloration, these half bird-brains going along even though it’s against their interests.
Avian experts and ornithpoliticologists are troubled by the growing dominance of birdbrains compared with other North American species, many of whom were indigenous & predominant until just recently. If this trend continues, not only will birdbrains be endangered, but the primary indigenous ones who hold their heads high and never bury it, never lose respect for their home or environment & never forget how lucky they are to live in North America, will be forced into fight or flight.
The resulting disruption and damage to the environment, not to mention the disharmonious effect upon continuing coexistence amongst birdbrains and these others, will be devastating.
Birdbrains are, on balance, no match for high-headers, and it could get very ugly if something isn’t done, and soon.
In an effort to stave off anthropological disaster & possible extinction of a species, the North American Ornithpolitico Society (NAOS) will be holding special symposiums whose purpose will be to educate birdbrains and all others who tolerate and help them in their craziness. They must learn the dangers of their behaviors and the tragic consequences it will bring. Being bird- brains of course,they lack the ability to see this, or understand.
The NAOS believes all creatures deserve a chance, and have the right to exist. It does not believe they can exert their influence of sheer numbers to encroach or bring harm to those around them, who want their own chance to live and survive.
A solution is being sought as we speak, and there is a determination to fix this problem, one way or the other. Birdbrains have got to understand, either by training or harsh reality, they no longer can act or behave in cavalier, irresponsible ways which invade the rights and happiness of others.
They are their own worst enemy, and will bring about their own destruction if not distracted from their folly. Again, it must be understood and repeated over and over again: they are simple creatures of limited comprehension, totally unaware of their surroundings or the effects of their actions.
The NAOS advocates for their safety, re-education, and happy existence amongst themselves. They can continue to poop in each other’s kitchen if they must, but not our’s! They can take each other’s food, destroy each other’s home and take away each other’s opportunity for a safe and productive future, if it makes them happy. But you birdbrains take note: We high-headers have had it! We will make things bad for you, if you persist with your nonsense. It could get ugly . . .
You’ve been reading Shaneview
I’m Al Shane
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