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What’s with Jews?

I’m half Jew by my mother Rebecca and my dear friend Paul is whole Jew by yada yada! We’ve been getting together lately to kvetch about Jews and how they vote, especially Ohio Jews, Pennsylvania Jews, Virginia Jews, Florida Jews – although they’re a whole different story!

Anyway, what’s to be done? Stubborn like mules, they know all about fat cat republicans with their big houses & steppin’ on little guys. Jews have always been, and Paulie & I fear they presently are/will always be, democrat, Democrat, DEMOCRAT!  We’re thinking > why,Why, WHY?

This isn’t like > when you go out make sure you got clean under- wear! Or > you coulda got it cheaper at Marty’s! Or > Why can’t you date a nice Jewish boy/girl? These are personal, family & cultural in nature, coloring life in its passing parade, making us who we are, fleshing out our being.

But politics? Why should there be such a monolithic attitude about running the country? Picking the best leaders, deciding how big to make government. Do Jews know better than everybody else, with certainty, it’s always better to vote dem? You’d think so, the way they go 80% democrat every time, sometimes more.

Mama/papa, their mama & papa, Aunt’s Sophie & Bessie all told me! On & on it goes, 80% blue, 10% red, the rest who gives a pickle! Wouldn’t you know, some of my best friends are – I mean, the most successful people, richest people, most entertaining, biggest media & respected academic people, Jews, Jews, Jews!

Hollywood votes democrat, and Wall Street, and Ivy League street and any college USA street, DC street, media street are  Brokaw & Rather Jewish? –  like a bulging bag of groceries this Jew/dem stuff, pokin’ out everywhere. You know, like at the butcher buying a roast, corned beef & some chopped liver, then some white fish, then next door with the bagels, pickles, gefilte & matzo, everything a jumble, crammed in a bag, pokin’ & bulgin’ out. Are Jews like groceries, different shapes and sizes, all together in a bag destined for the same table?

No differing likes/dislikes? Tastes? Ideas? Don’t they sometimes want white or wheat, instead of pumpernickel? Sparkling Italian instead of French? Swiss not cheddar? Mondavi not Manichewitz?

It’s maddening to me such an intelligent/but stubborn people with such rich heritage and tradition all boil down to the same spoonful of nosh or kettle of fish. Paul admits it’s a mystery to him too, and he’s a whole Jew! What are we missing? What’s the common den- minator making Jews vote the way they do? We’re racking/wreck- ing our brains, and here’s what we got –

Inherently evil >  Republican=conservative=ultra right=fascist . . you got it. Hitler! Always with the Hitler! Gimme a break, a Jew thinks! What am I, stupid? I’m gonna vote for another possible Hitler? Kishmir & up your’s!

Oh yeah? Think about this – Mussolini, Hitler, Mao, Fidel & Uncle Joe all started on the left > that’s right, the left! Nice boys ‘til they got too much power, too big for their britches & oh boy did they go left, way left, until guess what? They disappeared into left-right world, demonically in charge of everything. Go figure!

Another thing, smartie-pants Jews: what republican president since Lincoln leave him out of it! became anything like the aforementioned tyrants and meshuggs? Cat got your tongue? Come on, tell me & Paulie how one leads to the other? How republicans/conservatives, libertarians or vegetarians for that matter, are inherently evil?

Altruism/Humanitarianism > You been through it, and nobody else should have to do that, right? Democrats are for the little guy. They care about the under-privileged, the poor, the meak, and Jews are always, always the underdog, right, and for the underdog. Even rich as Midas Jews want safety nets for the brand new/very old, the sick/not-so-sick, dumb/really dumb, fat/very fat and the slim-too slim, get those skinny we-hate-with-envy bitches some help!

They won’t put people on the street or let anybody starve. Judging by the testimonials at their convention, yes bubies, I took a look, when democrats see a homeless person they grab’em, throw them in the car, take’em home, put’em in the spare bedroom down the hall from the master, next to the maid’s qrtrs right after they’re given a good bath and hearty meal. Hey, with these guys around, who can find a homeless? They hold contests, the dems: I helped two homeless last month. Oh yeah? I helped three, one with a dog!

So, Jews think democrats are the only nice guys? The only one’s waiting with a spare bedroom and a mitzvah to make? It just so happens republicans sponsored more civil rights legislation than democrats; sponsored/helped pass the 13th/14th/15th Amendments.

Did you know many southern democrats were KKK? Or they get us into more wars? P-l-e-a-s-e understand this  >  they-spend-tons-more-money-than- righties > money-they-don’t-have!

Guilt > God must be punishing Jews, he brought so much misfortune. Must be you need to live better, more charitable lives. Republicans = corporations > money! Bad. Take vows of poverty, reduce worldly goods. Give, give, give. Jews doing well, give more! Jews doing really, well? Set up foundations, museums, trusts, homes for the homeless. They shall call ye patron, benefactor, philanthropist-and big macher! God approves, but only if you’re democrat!

Shame > I don’t deserve it. Others are more worthy, harder work- ing, less fortunate, smarter, better looking! Don’t shine a light on me! People will notice! It’s a Jew with big success, power, kudo’s, wealth. Point is, how can a Jew get to heaven or where ever it is we go if we can’t do the camel-needle thing? You know, easier for a camel than rich man/Jew with bags of money yada yada!

Fixit Mania > Everybody knows America in the late 19th/early 20th  centuries had its share of prejudice and bigotry, but that’s like the pot calling the kettle black. Jews were persecuted/despised all over Europe as outsiders/interlopers; here just one more immigrant in a long line of immigrants. No big deal.

So a few came, then a few more, next thing you know there’s more Jews here than anyplace else. They kept coming even after the war, preferring to chance it here than their new homeland, Israel.

Things were better here because everybody was an immigrant, all the laws & customs were new, and hard work its own reward. Opportunities were boundless. Soon a strange phenomenon occurred: people could save a little, buy a few things, plan for next year, in- stead of just tomorrow. The Middle Class was being born.

America needed labor and talented workers, was awash in money to be earned/accumulated AND it was a politically stable environment, basically two parties sharing the duty; a center-right orientation with occasional ideological tugs to the left. Perfect!

Soon the growing/burgeoning middle class spun out some upper middle class/upper class/nouveau riche folks who did well in their trades & professions. They had started off biased right but, oddly, the more they prospered the more they turned left, worrying after the little guys they were leaving behind.

First came Wilson, then a socialist tide with FDR, lastly a tidal wave of progressivism with LBJ. These last two left us ideological legacies, entitlements which over the past 50yrs exploded and grew to mammoth proportions, attended by crushing debt.

Meanwhile, Jews were a vital part of this middle/upper class, and leaned left. So did their less fortunate kinsmen, all believing it was socialist ideas that made everything great. Not true! It was balance between conservatism-socialism, keeping to the ideological center, that made things work. Veering too far off, it started to unwind.

But Jews, the smart, stubborn, manic little darlings, couldn’t let it go. Couldn’t accept what was. They had to get on the liberal band- wagon and march down thru the years left, Left, LEFT! They just wouldn’t stop and think for a minute, America was a democratic-republic, whatever that was! Maybe it wasn’t a stetl or kibbutz, where everybody takes a turn; here you have to earn a turn!

So now we’re hopelessly out of balance from FDR/LBJ and good solid liberals & Jews still don’t get it. They think we can do more, help more, give more, all on the backs of a fast-shrinking middle class; fewer & fewer being asked to pay more & more. We had a good thing, but two men and an ancient people weren’t satisfied: they had to make it better. Everybody on the planet knows >  if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! But Jews?  N-o-o-o-o-o . .

I’m done. If I haven’t convinced you, so be it. Just know, power is

a dangerous thing. Too much of it in any one direction, bad things happen. I would have thought Jews knew this, having vast experience in dealing with bullies, tyrants and maniacs. Why not vote 50/50, some of you giving republicans a shot? Then you’ll be like the rest of us, half normal / half meshugg!

I’m telling you, voting 80% dem will make you instrumental, with blacks, browns and professors, in our downfall. In your quest to feed & warm the homeless, you will set your own house afire!

Where to next, my dearest Jewish brethren and friends?

By the way, don’t forget about Israel & Bibi. President Obama snubbed him and made him wait, then did it again by not granting him an audience on vital matters. Seems he couldn’t work it into his busy schedule, campaigning and whatnot. Also, ask yourself, is it OK making Israel wait and wonder, as the Iranian nuclear crisis grows?  Explains why Obama’s popularity in Israel is under 15%.

Recently he jets off to Vegas upon learning our Libyan Ambassador got murdered in Benghazi, along with three others. Is it me, or should he care more about our people and probable derelictions of duty which could cost more lives if not corrected!, than about raising damn money or getting re-elected? I’m just saying . .

To you dummies who would burn your own house, Mazel Tov!

Everybody else –  Shalom!


You’ve been reading Shaneview

I’m Al Shane

Alvan I. Shane Author, The Day Liberty Wept 2270 N Euclid Ave Frequent Op-Ed Contributor Upland, Calif 91784 Political Donor to Cons Grps / Causes (909) 946-5104 Ex-Marine / California native Tax Accountant / Mar 43yrs / 1 son


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